


what you deserve

by zauberer_sirin



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Cousy Rewatch, Director Daisy Johnson, F/M, Feelings Realization, Future Fic, Love Confessions, POV Skye | Daisy Johnson, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 19:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12564756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zauberer_sirin/pseuds/zauberer_sirin
Summary: The Director has something to give to him.Written for the Cousy Rewatch at johnsonandcoulson.com





	what you deserve

She waves for him to come inside the office.

“Going somewhere?” she asks.

“Calgary. Mack got news of some incident in a high school, we’re going to investigate.” She gives his arm a look. Coulson catches her looking, adjusts his sling unconsciously. “I can’t be of much help on the field right now, but I can do comms.”

She knows all this, of course. And he knows she knows. She signed off on the mission while she was drinking her second coffee of the day. She was the one who supported Coulson’s choice to go back on the field, against the new doctor’s raised eyebrow.

“I could-” she starts.

“Daisy,” Coulson interrupts, gently but firmly. “We’ve talked about this. It’s a low level mission. If we suspect there’s something more to it you’re always a Quinjet ride away.”

She sighs, nods. Coulson is right. And it’s not like her day isn’t full as it is (he knows, he always knows, it’s his job).

“I wanted to talk to you,” Daisy adds. Coulson comes closer, walking towards her desk instead of hovering near the door. “Agent Coulson.”

He straightens his back upon hearing her say that. It’s still weird and a bit fun (for both of them, Daisy suspects), to have her talk with that kind of authority over him. Like they are playmaking or something. The way he says _Director_ sometimes, kind of amused but never mocking her. Like he had nothing to do with it.

“Am I in trouble?” Coulson jokes.

“These past few months you’ve stood right in that spot, questioning my decisions, generally being a pain in the ass,” she teases him back. 

Coulson smirks. “Now _you_ know how that feels.”

“I wanted to give you this.”

She opens her drawer, trying not to look too excited about it. Since Billy had informed her these had arrived she has been trying to find the perfect moment to give Coulson his - and then the others, but Coulson has to be the first one. Of course.

Coulson freezes when he sees it. But it’s not… it’s _a good freeze_. 

He moves unconsciously closer, as if he is about to reach out towards the object between him and Daisy.

“It’s the newest thing,” she says. “Lanyards are nice and all, but nothing beats an old-fashioned badges.”

“This your idea?”

Unconsciously she straightens the sides of her jacket. She doesn’t like wearing suits, but today’s schedule demands it.

“Other agents seem to like it,” she lies. Perhaps she’s a bit embarrassed to admit she wanted to give Coulson the first one. Perhaps he knows anyway.

He does reach out, but he doesn’t touch the badge yet.

He doesn’t need to look so touched. 

“I remember when you lost your badge,” Daisy tells him.

Coulson is still staring at this new one, his fingers skimming over the leather, as if he doesn’t dare to pick it up yet.

“The pieces scattered all over Canada,” he reminisces, with unexpected humor.

“I know how hard that was for you,” Daisy says.

He looks up at her. “It was just a badge.”

“It wasn’t _just a badge_ ,” she argues. She knows what he’s doing - she doesn’t want him to do that with her. “You were going through so much at the time…”

She can’t forget that Coulson literally gave his life for SHIELD. She has made a silent promise to keep SHIELD as something worthy of that sacrifice. She’s not sure she deserves this new role, but that’s a good philosophy to start with.

“Thank you,” Coulson says, with a little smile, picking the badge in his hand and examining it further.

“And you gave me my first badge so, it’s only fair.”

She shrugs, not letting herself be flooded by memories of that day. It’s bittersweet, so many people dead, so many traitors surrounding them that day. Yet there she was, getting physical proof there was a place that wanted her, for the first time. There Coulson was, telling her she deserved to be in that place. She only had that badge for a day (which always made sense to her), but that moment she touched it for the first time - no, she couldn’t be completely bitter about that.

It’s different for Coulson. She bets the world is full of places that would want him, if only he wanted to find them.

“I know I’m not Fury but…” Daisy says. “I want to give you the same choice he did.”

He frowns.

“Choice? I’m already a SHIELD agent.”

“Yeah but, you could be something else, if you want.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you’ve always wondered what a normal life would be like,” Daisy says.

She’s scared he’ll take her up on her offer, and maybe that makes her a hypocrite, but the other option is pretending Coulson isn’t the best part of her day.

“Do you want me to... _retire_?”

“Of course not. But you don’t need to be on the field all the time,” she explains. Oh God that sounds like she is trying to get him to retire. “I mean, if you want time for… other stuff.”

Daisy knows she will never live a normal life, and people like Cal was robbed of his. But Coulson, Coulson doesn’t have to sacrifice that part of him for the cause - especially now that it’s _her cause_.

She can’t imagine Coulson living a life not dedicated to others, that’s how he is, but she also can’t imagine something as unfair as stealing the life he wants from him. Especially because there’s no need.

She will never know what a normal life feels like - but Coulson _could_.

Or normal-ish, all things considered.

(But maybe that’s just an excuse? Maybe she just wants him safe. Maybe she just got scared, more than usual, the last time)

“Is this… is this because of my arm?” Coulson asks, unsurprisingly reading her mind.

He does that.

Daisy gets up from her desk - the Director’s desk, she still can’t make sense of that - and walks to the front of it, facing Coulson. 

Daisy is used to being afraid of losing things - with Coulson she is used to being terrified.

But it’s more than that.

The fear is different with him.

“You got that defending an Inhuman,” she points out.

“I got this defending a kid,” Coulson corrects her. “Surely you don’t think so little of me-”

“What? No! No. Of course not.”

They stare at each other, both heated with the argument for a moment.

They seldom butt heads these days, so it’s a bit awkward.

A misunderstanding, Daisy thinks, and then relaxes, because that’s not something they do, is it?

She comes closer and smiles at Coulson. Sideways, shyly, but still, a smile. To make him understand. He understands. She doesn’t want him to retire. She doesn’t want him gone (obviously). And she knows he will always protect the weak.

It’s just that when the weak happens to be Inhuman she can’t help but...

She rests her hand over the crook of his elbow, where the bandage starts. Carefully. And feels Coulson tense and relax in a fraction of a second. She knows Coulson is not a fragile type, he’s kind of a badass, in a way, but she can’t help it: every bone is precious.

“I just don’t ever want you to get hurt fighting my fights,” she says.

“Your fights are my fights,” Coulson tells her, his voice very sure of it and yet oddly softened. “Daisy. Don’t you understand?”

She does.

She thinks she does.

She’s not sure she should be hoping.

“Yeah, I know,” she tells me. “I know.”

“Okay.”

It seems like the moment is over - all their moments are over all too soon, it seems to her - that any moment Coulson will start walking towards the door, to his mission and… Daisy doesn’t want the moment to be over (Daisy doesn’t want any of their moments to be over? Her head aches all of the sudden).

“Maybe we can talk about it some more, after you come back from Calgary,” she offers, daring to hope. “Over a coffee.”

“I love coffee,” Coulson replies.

He sounds gloriously eager (she never imagined…).

She laughs a little.

“I know, I know. Me too.”

He puts the badge inside his pocket.


End file.
